Issues with supervisor / boss
This is difficult to describe in a brief post… But, no matter how hard I try, I seem to intimidate or threaten my supervisors and sometimes coworkers. I respect others and their opinions and ideas, and while I am fairly direct, I strive to be clear, fair and compassionate.I’ve been told I have a quiet confidence and strength.
I am having a particularly difficult time at my current job (I head up fundraising for a conservation nonprofit), where most of my coworkers are extroverts (and in my opinion and observation, fairly juvenile and unprofessional — an observation I keep to myself). But although I am intelligent, experienced, etc., my boss, also an introvert, rarely lets me complete a sentence and often his first reaction to what I say is to negate, or unnecessarily polish it. He often disagrees with me before I can even verbally complete my thought! I am supportive of him and rarely disagree, although if I think it is very important, I will respectfully express an opposing view. And then clearly leave it up to him to make the final decision. The way I see it, my job is not to do / say what is best for him, but to do and say what is best for my organization. Ultimately, that is my job.
He is also blind to the power plays going on in his office—people undercutting and backstabbing one another to gain his favor. This, of course, drives me crazy!
I don’t freak out about my workload or challenges like several of the other staff (who cry if they are overwhelmed, and threaten to quit if they don’t get everything they want). I rarely ask for anything, including his sparse time, unless I really need it, and yet he has called me “needy” several times. I just don’t get it. I am one of the least classically needy people I know! I am very self-sufficient and work well independently. I am also more of a team player than most of the extroverted staff who believe the world revolves around them and their needs.
I am increasingly frustrated, feel belittled, disrespected, and unappreciated for my contributions. I am well-respected in my community, raise hundreds of thousands of dollars each year, almost by myself, and am often sought out for my expertise and insights. But not at my own job. And this is not the first time this has happened. Booo!
I am not perfect, but I have a lot to offer and find myself less and less willing to try. I’ve stopped speaking up in meetings unless I really need to.
Your thoughts are welcome!
Hi! This blog has been pretty inactive because I’ve been so busy and keep shoving the existence of this blog out of my head (sometimes on purpose), but you put so much effort into this that I definitely feel it deserves a reply.
First of all, well done with the role you’ve played in the success of your organization! You sound like a pretty selfless and others-oriented worker, with the good of all in mind. I really respect anyone who’s like this, because they are the people who will give the world the best shot in working together and building a brighter future for humanity in general. So at least know that I recognize and acknowledge what you’re doing!
Based on the information you’ve given me, your boss’s behavior seems pretty irrational; I cannot think of a likely cause of the way he’s been treating you - it also doesn’t help that I know next to nothing about him.
All I can really say is that those who give and give and continue to give even in spite of rejection or lack of acknowledgment are genuine heroes. I tend to think of doctors who may spend months of work and use much of the knowledgebase and understanding that they’ve gained through education and experience to save someone’s life, then said someone thanks God, thinks God worked a miracle, may even believe that prayer alone got them through, and never show proper appreciation to the doctor. But the doctor isn’t in it for the recognition or hearing from his patients their awareness of the incredible work he’s doing - he’s in it because he cares about human beings, life, and the reduction of suffering of others. The attainment of this goal is fulfilling enough for him.
Maybe focusing on your goals, dreams, aspirations and how you’re actively achieving them rather than looking for acclamation can at least make your situation more bearable. Not to discount how difficult it is to go forward without any acknowledgment! I know it hurts to not be recognized for achievements or worthy behavior. In the end, follow your mind and its analytic understanding of the world, but be sure to listen to your heart.
caffeinepowersactivate asked: infjdoodles is another fantastic INFJ tumblr <3
Thanks! I’ll be sure to check that blog out too. :)
INFJ Problem 14: Noticing super mini details that are wrong in your work and having to re-do it until it’s perfect, sometimes not feeling completely satisfied, because you’re such a perfectionist.
Anonymous asked: do you know any other infj blogs?
infjconfessions.tumblr.com is a good one. :)
What can I do to open up? I feel like I’m in a shell when I am with more than 2 or max 3 people, so how can I improve on acting more socially I know if I can build somewhat deep raport with more than 2-3 people I could be more confident and more persuasive, so can someone help me please :)?
- Submission is edited for clarity. It’s probably equally challenging for both the introvert to open up with more people as it is for an extrovert to engage in not-so-shallow conversations one-on-one with another. I know I’ve faced this problem in college; I’m still also rather unwilling to open up much when I’m in a group of people. Perhaps the thing that holds us back is our longing to sort what information goes to what people. Some people we’re okay with telling things and only want to tell them when we have their complete attention. Being in a social circle is almost the opposite - everyone is telling a little about themselves at the same time. I’d suggest not feeling discomfort if you continue to be the quiet one in the group; when you do speak then, people will listen, especially if you speak with a tone of depth. Once you’ve done this, anytime you choose to speak up, you will probably have grounds to be confident and persuasive.
Just my thoughts - take them as you will, I definitely don’t claim to be an expert in this. :P
Again I want to apologize, I’m in a place that will likely have very little internet for the next week or so and I’m still busy. I am getting your submissions and I haven’t forgotten about this blog… actually feeling pretty guilty for not holding this “responsibility” very well by not posting frequently! Thanks for your understanding.
I’m going to be away for a couple days - sorry I haven’t been getting to submissions very often, I haven’t forgotten, I’m just sort of in a process of moving right now and am pretty busy. Thanks for your patience if you submitted something and are still waiting to see it, I haven’t let you guys slip my mind.
INFJ Confession 1722) I unintentionally space out during conversations.